What To Do When You’re Offended |

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What To Do When You’re Offended

September 8, 2012 by Lauralynn Elliott

I debated with myself for a long time before I decided to post this. I try to never post things that are controversial, but I can’t get this off my mind. Most of you know I’m a Christian. But I’m not really offended by much, and I let most things slide. I’m okay with people using the “f” word if they want, although I don’t personally use it. Most words don’t bother me, really. I do have issues with people using God’s name disrespectfully, but if it’s on their own blog or whatever, that’s their right. I’m not going to preach about it. LOL. But I saw something on Facebook that offended me so badly, that my face got hot and tears came to my eyes. It was so offensive toward God that I couldn’t believe someone posted it. Now here’s the question. Since I’m likely to see that kind of thing again (I’ve seen other things similar from this person), do I unfriend them? I don’t want to make a big issue of it, but I can’t stop thinking about what I saw. I never want to see it again. I have friends who are atheists and agnostics, and most of them wouldn’t post that, simply out of respect for others. Would this person even notice if I unfriend them? I don’t really know them that well anyway. I don’t ever want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but this hurt me down to the core. I can’t unsee what I saw. What should I do?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged disrespectful to God, facebook, offended | 20 Comments

20 Responses

on September 8, 2012 at 6:30 am | Reply Claire Farrell

If you were that upset, quietly unfriend them. They probably won’t notice. It doesn’t have to be a big issue at all, and I don’t think this is controversial – it’s normal to want to save yourself upset.

I am an atheist, and honestly, I might not always realise what is offensive to Christians – but that’s probably to do with where I’m from. There are huge, huge, huge differences in attitudes to religion here for the most part. But I have unfriended people who repeatedly posted things about “types” of people going to hell and being evil, and the sort of negativity that’s depressing to me. Everyone has a right to say what they feel, but they don’t have a right to force their opinions on to others, so I definitely think that *you* have the right to keep your life free from things that may upset or offend you.

I have also been tempted to unfriend to avoid political posts, but so far, I’ve controlled myself. 😉
- on September 8, 2012 at 5:47 pm | Reply Lauralynn Elliott
  
  Although you’re an atheist, Claire, you wouldn’t post something that you KNOW would hurt your friends who might be Christians. You say you don’t realize what might be offensive to Christians, but I think common sense would suffice in most cases. This person didn’t use common sense. I know we all have a right to post on FB anything we want, but some people use it as a means to stir up other people. I guess unfriending this person would solve my problem, and I wouldn’t have to see anything they post. I’ve just always had this thing about doing that…it almost seems like I’m on a playground, and I’m saying, “You hurt my feelings so I don’t want to be friends anymore.” LOL. The only person I can ever remember unfriending or unfollowing was a psycho…and I mean that pretty literally. Scary.
  
  It’s hard to get away from anything political right now. And it seems that most posts are far right or far left. Not much in between.
  
  Thanks for the advice. *hugs*
  - on September 8, 2012 at 6:07 pm | Reply Claire Farrell
    
    You know what it’s like – you read something and analyse yourself. 😉 I am afraid of accidentally offending anyone – I know I can be foul-mouthed and have an odd sense of humour sometimes, but I would hate to offhandedly say something that would really upset someone else. I speak before I think on a regular basis. Over the last couple of years I have been slowly learning that what’s considered harmless or normal over here isn’t necessarily viewed that way elsewhere. We’re a little warped, apparently, and I’m totally rough & common as it is. 😉
    
    Someone who purposely tries to stir up other people will only cause you stress. Honestly, it’s not childish to protect yourself from that. I see people come out with statements that seem intended to provoke, and I wonder what they want to get out of it, because it seems like they want to draw negativity to them or something. I think, for the most part, you kind of know if you’re saying something that’s going to get a rise out of people, so if you see that coming from another person, I think it’s more sensible to step away and not engage in that situation. Whether that means hiding posts or unfriending is up to you.
    
    I just hope you’re not as upset by now.
    
    And yeah, I feel like half of my facebook newsfeed is hating on the other half at all times. 😀
on September 8, 2012 at 7:46 am | Reply andrewmocete

I guess it depends on your relationship with this person. Are you comfortable enough to talk about it with the person? Maybe, like Claire said, he/she doesn’t realize the post might offend. Or can you just ignore future posts if they come up? If the answer is no, then the relationship isn’t worth the aggravation and you should unfriend.
- on September 8, 2012 at 5:50 pm | Reply Lauralynn Elliott
  
  You know, Andrew, you bring up a good point. I actually DON’T have a relationship with this person. Just a casual acquaintance, really. They probably won’t even notice if I unfriend them. I just feel funny about unfriending people.
  
  I don’t see how they couldn’t know the post would offend. Some people like the shock value, I think.
on September 8, 2012 at 8:03 am | Reply Darlene Steelman

Ahh… Facebook. The beauty of Facebook is we all get to post stuff that we like and then our friends show us if they agree by clicking that little “like” button. The ugliness of Facebook is that people post stuff that they like and sometimes it is offensive or upsetting.
I have a friend on Facebook that posts pictures of half-naked chics and another friend that posts pictures of booze (highly annoying on both counts). I choose to click that little button above the post and hide it.
They have every right to post what they like (in the confines of the Facebook Laws of course! lol) and I have every right to hide it.
I think if you pray on it, Lauralynn, the answer will come to you. I pray on a lot of stuff!
Have a great day.
- on September 8, 2012 at 5:58 pm | Reply Lauralynn Elliott
  
  Darlene, I was away from FB for awhile simply because I don’t like it. But I’ve tried to reconnect with people there because there are some advantages, especially as an author. Then I see that stuff! I can understand you not enjoying those posts from your friends, especially in light of certain circumstances. I know people have a right to post what they want. I would hate for FB to be able to dictate everything little thing we can or can’t say. But I just expect people to be more sensitive to the feelings of others. I guess I expect too much.
  
  I pray on a lot of stuff, too. Sometimes that’s what gets us through the day (or night).
on September 8, 2012 at 8:46 am | Reply Ruth Ann Nordin

I’d quietly unfriend them. Since that person isn’t close to you, I’d be surprised if they’d notice, especially if they already have a lot of people on their friend’s list.

Just my opinion.
- on September 8, 2012 at 6:01 pm | Reply Lauralynn Elliott
  
  I think I agree, Ruth. They won’t notice. I just hate to unfriend people. But it’s worth my peace of mind. 🙂
  
  Thanks for your thoughts.
on September 8, 2012 at 8:56 am | Reply Anya Kelleye

Go with what your heart tells you to do, Lauralynn.
- on September 8, 2012 at 6:02 pm | Reply Lauralynn Elliott
  
  Thanks, Anya. Good advice!
on September 8, 2012 at 10:03 am | Reply Nadja Notariani

Unfriend. Who needs a friend who makes you cry? ((((hugs)))))
- on September 8, 2012 at 6:03 pm | Reply Lauralynn Elliott
  
  You make a valid point, Nadja! If it upsets me that much, I shouldn’t subject myself to possibly seeing another offensive post. They have a right to post…I have a right not to have to look at it!
on September 8, 2012 at 12:20 pm | Reply Ryan King

You really have two options. You can unfriend them or you can unsubscribe from their posts. It just depends if you want to keep them as a “friend” or not. Trust your instincts.
- on September 8, 2012 at 6:04 pm | Reply Lauralynn Elliott
  
  Thanks, Ryan. I didn’t even know you could unsubscribe to someone’s post and still keep them as friends. That just shows how little I use FB. I don’t really know this person that well, so I think I’ll just unfriend them and be done with it.
on September 9, 2012 at 12:31 am | Reply Michelle DePaepe

I don’t think you can ever go wrong by sticking to your values and avoiding negativity!
- on September 9, 2012 at 4:24 pm | Reply Lauralynn Elliott
  
  Good point, Michelle! Thanks!
on September 9, 2012 at 7:14 pm | Reply Elizabeth Anne Mitchell

Lauralynn, I have had to unsubscribe to posts from some extended family members who offend me daily; I think you can quietly unfriend, since you are acquaintances. I agree with Nadja–no friend would ever make you cry! {Hugs}
- on September 9, 2012 at 8:31 pm | Reply Lauralynn Elliott
  
  That’s especially bad when it’s family! At least that hasn’t happened to me. Actually, I never have problems with my personal Facebook page. Most of my friends there are respectful. It’s the one where I use my pen name and most of my friends are other authors where I have the problems. 😦
  - on September 9, 2012 at 8:57 pm | Reply Elizabeth Anne Mitchell
    
    Oh, that is too bad! It is a bit uncomfortable when it is family, but I’ve been so offended, I just merrily hit “hide.”