I was having a discussion at lunch today with my cover artist, Anya about a book I was reading where I thought the characters had sex way too soon. She kind of disagreed, I think, because she loves the series I was talking about and has no problem with it.
So here’s the thing. I NEED the romantic build-up. I need the characters to get to know each other. I need the sexual tension. Honestly, I would rather have the romance and sexual tension and NO sex at all than to have the sex WITHOUT the build-up. The book I’m reading has a situation where the hero sort of assaults the heroine, but he thinks she’s someone sent to kill him or something. Later, he apologizes, they agree to have lunch, then they have sex. The sex scenes didn’t do a thing for me, even though they were well-written, because the build-up wasn’t there. Now, in defense of the book…it’s a good, well-written book, and I’m planning on finishing it and will probably read others by the author. The basic story line is good, it’s not JUST a romance. And many people would be fine with the early sex. It’s just not what I like in a romance. So please don’t think I’m trashing the book at all.
What about you? Do you like a build-up of romance, or do you want them to just get down to it? I’m very interested in the different opinions on this. I wonder if I’m in the minority or the majority. It would be fun to know.
lauralynnelliott.com 
I’m with you on this. Sex without the build up, without some kind of meaning behind it, just doesn’t work for me. I’m about the relationship, not the physicality.
Exactly!
I like both. Depends on what mood I’m in I guess. 🙂
Sometimes I like the quick down and dirty I guess but I do love a suspenseful romantic buildup as well. Longer foreplay I guess you could say. And it sort of depends on the particular romance genre I’m reading too.
The book you and I were discussing will eventually get into the love, I think, but I feel like they put the cart before the horse. If it was just erotica, I could live with the just sex thing, but erotic romance is different. You expect romance first. I can see where it’s heading…it just happened out of order. LOL
I’m with you, Lauralynn, on this matter. I need the tension…the build-up…the *romance!* – otherwise, the sex is mere mechanics for me and sorta reads like *stereo-instructions* Bahahah!
Glad to see you back, Nadja! I like that comparison…stereo instructions. Sex without the tension first kind of bores me a little.
It depends on the book and the characters for me.
I gotta have my romance. 🙂 IF it’s an actual romance book and not, say, horror with a romance as a minor side story. But everyone is different in what they like, so that’s why different people buy different books.
Yep, definitely a build up. The time frame isn’t so important (I love marriage of convenience plots), but I still need to see there’s a connection between the two characters, something that shows me they are emotionally “there” before they get down to it. Otherwise, I have trouble believing the sex is that satisfying. For me sex has to be more emotional than physical.
Interesting topic! It’s fun to see everyone’s answers. 😀
I’m not a believer in love at FIRST sight, but I do believe it can happen fast. So if an author can show that connection early, then it works. But I have to have the connection. I’m like you, the sex has to be emotional. At least in a true romance novel. Erotica is something totally different, but I usually only read that when a friend of mine publishes a new one. 🙂
The build up is the best part, but sometimes the mood just overwhelms, so if the author could put the intensity in the situation, I’d be fine with that.
I was wondering when a guy would chime in. 🙂 I understand about the mood overwhelming, but the characters have to have a real connection for me to be interested in their sex life.
I like a long build up. I’d rather read NO sex scene, than one that happens to early in the character’s relationship. I can think of a couple of series I’ve read where it took several books for there to be any sex. Honestly? It worked for me. The characters had plenty of time to build a relationship first.
I agree…no sex is better than sex without feelings. I didn’t write my characters having sex (and it wasn’t graphic) until the third book in my trilogy of novellas. They had lots of conflict and reasons to not be together. But they were clearly in love.
I’m all about the build up of a relationship. To me, what’s really alluring is the tension, the romance that builds, the banter. Not to say sex isn’t sexy, but my mind can do a lot more with a relationship that’s been built up well, then a “hot” written scene.
Yes, exactly. That tension, the conflict, the building of the relationship.