I thought I was ready to get back to writing, but I really wasn’t. Also, there has been a lot going on in the house. My brother is helping do some things to get my office looking more like, well, an office. 🙂 My son and his family were here yesterday, so there was lots of fun with a two-year-old that calls me “Mimi”. I love having her here, but boy am I ever tired when she leaves! When my son started dating someone with a baby, I was so afraid of getting attached to the little girl and then having to get unattached when they broke up. But after two years, they are now engaged, and it looks like I’ll have this little granddaughter around for a long time. So that makes Mimi happy.
I really hope to get back to writing this week. I just couldn’t make myself do it last week, so I guess I wasn’t over the stress enough. I know a lot of writers actually do better when they are full of angst, but not me. I like to be happy when I write, even when I’m writing dark stuff.
I lost my best friend two years ago, and I don’t feel like I’ve really grieved like I should. I’ve had a few moments, but not REAL grieving moments. While I was cleaning things out of my office yesterday, I found a box of her jewelry that I got to keep after she died. Inside was the little two page thingy (I can’t remember what they’re called) that was given out at her memorial service. I actually put the thing together and printed it out. It had some scripture and some quotes picked out by her family members. And there was a lovely poem on the back written by a good friend of hers. I started going through her jewelry, then I read the poem. The floodgates opened, and I cried like a baby. It took me two years to really cry like that. I used to cry more easily, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve hardened a little. I was just glad my husband was still in bed. That kind of grieving needs to be done alone.
As far as my husband’s health goes, we’re frustrated because his blood isn’t thinning out as fast as it should. It’s actually not as thin as it was while he was in the hospital, but he was also taking an extra blood thinner there that was an injection. His doctor has upped his Coumadin dosage twice. He still has the clot in his leg, and if his blood does’t get thin enough, that could be a potential problem. We don’t want another lung clot! Keep us in your prayers, and if you don’t pray, send us good thoughts and vibes. We need all the help we can get. The doctor thinks he might be able to go back to work a little sooner than we thought, but only if he can get his blood thinned out better. I keep wondering when the hospital and doctor bills will start coming in. Again, I can’t thank Kait enough for setting up that fundraiser for me and I thank all of you that donated to it. There’s enough there right now for a mortgage payment and a car payment. You guys are the cream of the crop!
Wish me luck for actually getting writing done this week. Hopefully, the rest of you are making progress!
lauralynnelliott.com 
Best of luck in the coming week! And if things have to settle down a little more before you can get back in the groove, so be it. Take care of yourself!
Thanks, J.R. I’m not going to obsess over not writing. It will come.
I’m sending good vibes your way that the blood will start to thin out and the clot dissipate. In the meantime, take good care of yourself, Lauralynn, and the writing will happen in its own time. All the best.
Thank you, Lisa. I hope things start to look up both with my husband and my writing. It’s hard to take care of myself when I feel like I have to take care of hubby, but I know I need to. He’s getting pretty self-sufficient lately, so that’s a good sign. 🙂
Keeping you both in my prayers.
Sometimes it’s really good to cry. I don’t cry very often about personal things (of course I always cry watching a sad film), but when I do, it’s a release.
Thank you, Emma, those prayers are needed. I don’t cry often, either. I’ve never figured out why we cry more at sad movies than for ourselves. In fact, I just bawled over a scene in a book I’m reading by Claire Farrell, “Death is a Gift”.
Good vibes sent your way – sounds like you had a much-needed and cathartic week, and hope your husband recovers quickly…
Thanks, Edward. I think things are getting better.
Keeping you and your hubby in our thoughts. When the time is right, you’ll feel like writing again, until then don’t feel guilty about it. As you said, it will come. Take care!
Thanks, Juli. I’m really trying not to feel guilty about not writing. I just don’t have the energy right now….
Hang in there! You will certainly be in my thoughts and prayers. I’ve passed the message around my networks. We’ve got your back.
Sending you peace, blessings and hope.
Thank you so much, Cate. It’s so nice having friends like you!
Blod thinners are hard to get the dosage right, it can take you a year or more sometimes. Hang in there. And of course my prayers are with you and your family.
Hi Chris. I’m always glad to hear from you when there’s something medical in my post. His INR was 1.5 when he left the hospital. But he was also taking Lovenox injections in addition to the Coumadin. At home, he is just on Coumadin, and his INR went back down to 1.2. The dr has upped his dosage twice, so now it’s up to 1.7, so it’s going in the right direction. They want it between 2 and 3. Thanks for the prayers!
That sucks about the blood thinner. Hopefully, that will be resolved soon.
I can’t write when I’m upset either. I don’t know how some authors do it. I have to be happy and relaxed to write.
No matter how long it’s been since someone died, it’s hard being without them. Sometimes I have dreams where I cry over my dad’s death. While I was able to fully grieve my mother’s death, I never was able to grieve his. (Consciously grieve, I mean). I think it’s because he died after I was already married with kids. As you said, being older, it’s harder to allow that part to come through. I don’t know why that is. Maybe after you’ve been through enough, you do get harder. Maybe it’s the ego’s way of protecting us.
I don’t know how authors do it, either. There’s this whole idea that writers are supposed to be tortured and full of angst. I think the writing is supposed to release those feelings or something. I’m just not wired that way. I’m generally a happy person, so when something is getting me down, I’m not in my normal state, so doing anything creative is hard for me.
Grieving is a funny thing. You never know how you’ll react to different things that might happen. I also think this whole thing with my husband has made me a little more weepy, so it was easier to just let it all go when thinking about my friend. Since November, starting with my father’s death, life has been one bad thing after another. Just when things start to look up, something brings it all down. I haven’t even posted about everything that’s happened, just the major things. Life just HAS to get better soon. The day I found out I had diabetes was the same day that shooting happened at Sandy Hook. Then there was the Boston marathon thing. So all the stuff isn’t happening to me personally. Some of it is, but some of it is happening to people around me, too.