I don’t like to write posts that are too long, but I have a feeling this one might be. Some of this is, I think, partial repeats from past posts, so forgive me if you’ve heard some of this before.
The Past – When I first started writing and publishing, the ebook business was fairly new. You could actually make a LIVING doing this. (I know some authors who still are, but that seems to be the exception, not the rule.) Back in late 2010, I was making enough money that I could have quit my day job. And most of this was from ONE .99 novella. A book I was only making .35 per sale on at Amazon and .40 at B & N. So you can imagine how many books I sold to make that much money. I was on cloud nine. This novella (Guardian Vampire) almost made it to the top 100 on Amazon. Not in a category, but the top 100 overall. It has an average of 3 stars. It was some of my earliest work, and it’s certainly not my best. But it sold like hotcakes. This was right in the middle of the big vampire craze, and I loved vampires, so that helped a lot. And I was FEARLESS! What I mean is, I wrote because it was fun, I wrote because I wanted to write, and I had no doubt I could make decent money. I wrote and put it out there. I wasn’t afraid of anything. I could sit down at the computer, and the words just flowed. In 2011, another of my .99 books (Haunted Lake) took off. Those were good years.
The Present – By 2012, everyone who even had an inkling they wanted to be an author was publishing ebooks. The market was flooded with books. And although I was really happy that authors had this opportunity, it really hurt a lot of us. Suddenly, there was SO much competition, especially in the paranormal romance genre. I struggled for the next couple of years, but I tried to keep writing as much as I could. My later books are so much better than my older ones, but they just don’t sell well. Then I started getting page fright. I lost the enjoyment of writing, and it became a chore. Every time I thought about sitting down to write, my stomach would clench up, and I suddenly found something else I needed to do instead. I would put off writing as long as I could. Back in August, when hubby was in the hospital, then out of work, I used all that stress as the excuse. The last part of August, I started writing on my WIP again, and I was averaging about 1,000 a day. Then hubby ended up in the emergency room again, although he was in the hospital only one night and day. But it messed with my head again. Now I’m FEARFUL. I’m scared to death to write. It took all I had to even sit down and write this post. I hate this!
I desperately want to find that fearless woman I used to be. I want to pull her out of that deep well I’ve drowned her in. I just don’t know how. I’ve thought about suspending everything on this pen name after publishing this next book and concentrating on my other name since it’s doing a little better. But I’m not sure I would be happy not writing any paranormal stuff. I feel like I’m at a crossroads and don’t know what to do. I know there are so many authors who hate or are tired of their day jobs and long to write for a living. I’m definitely one of them.
I know this post is kind of a downer, but I had to get that out.
lauralynnelliott.com 
Hang in there! You need to get back the joy and escape of writing again. Not to publish it, but just because you enjoy telling your stories and want them down on paper. Write them to leave your legacy behind. Your grandkids one day can say, “My grandmother was an author! How awesome is that?” Because it won’t matter how well the books did, just that you followed a dream to write and put them out there. It takes courage to do that. Don’t worry about best seller lists, or making a living at it while you are writing. Worry about that AFTER you publish it. Just wrap yourself in your story and live it while you are writing it.
I know you can do this. I have faith in you. 🙂
You have always been one of my most faithful supporters. You’ve been with me from the very beginning of my journey, and I’m so thankful for that. You’re right about just writing for the joy. I need to stop thinking about deadlines and time frames. And who will love it, or who will hate it. Maybe everything else will fall into place if I JUST DO IT. 🙂
We need another weekend retreat! 🙂
We certainly do! That would help a lot.
I agree with Anya. Instead about sitting down to work on a WIP or write your next book just sit down and start writing thinking that no one other than you will ever see it. Play around, maybe start something new. Don’t worry about word count, don’t worry about genre, don’t even worry that the plot makes sense. Just write until you get comfortable with the experience again. Writer’s block is a scary thing and it sounds to me that it’s part of what you’re experiencing.
I had a book that broke the top 100 on Amazon. Not genre, but the top 100 and it netted a nice payday, but I could never quit my day job, because it didn’t last. The reality is that 99.9 percent of writers probably never will be able to quit the day job. Sad to say but true.
At this point, I just want to write and share my stories. Sure I want to succeed, but I’m a realist too. Right now I’m happy to have a small supplemental income on the side and when I retire, that will be the time I write full-time. Until then, I’ll juggle both.
And if it’s any comfort, I have a huge deadline hanging over my head right now and the words aren’t flowing nearly as smoothly or as swiftly as I’d like them to. But I make myself sit down and churn something out anyway Any words on paper are better than a blank page 🙂
You’ve been missed my friend.
I’ve actually thought about trying to work on both pen names at once, and then when I get stuck on one, I can work on the other. One of my favorite authors, whom I edit for, always works on about three books at a time, and that really works for her. I haven’t been able to quite make that work yet.
I have a couple of friends who write full time and make more than I do at my day job. I’m a little jealous, but I don’t begrudge them a bit. I’m happy that they can do that. One of my main problems is that so many things have changed where I work that it’s not as fun as it used to be. I’ve worked there for 35 years, but I don’t feel like I’m appreciated like I should be. I do the work of about three people, really. So the pressure to write more or get more editing jobs is increasing.
Another problem is that I’m afraid my book isn’t going to be long enough. I don’t want it to be a novella because it’s a sequel to a novel. And I want it to be long enough to be made into a paperback. And that’s part of my page fright. I should take your advice and stop worrying about word page. A story is going to be as long as it wants to be.
I’m sorry I haven’t been around. Both the husband’s illness and the writing fear has made me kind of withdraw from everything. You should have seen how many emails I finally went through today! Maybe if I get back out there in the writer community, I’ll feel more a part of it. It’s time to get out of my cave, I guess.
Thank you, as always, for your support. I’m so glad I’ve gotten to know you.
So happy I’ve gotten to know you too! 🙂
I think you really hit something there about getting back out in the writing community. The more you think writing, talk writing, read about writing, share experiences on writing, etc., the more the love of the craft will grow again. You’ve just had so many upsets lately it can’t be easy bouncing back. And if the sequel to the novel ends up being a novella, I don’t think that’s the end of the world. I know you want to hit paperback length, but maybe you’d just feel better finishing the story.
Afterward, you could also go back and see if you can build on it.
I miss the sales growth of the early years. That’s impressive that you got that high in Amazon! I never got close to that.
I noticed something in your post and wanted to ask if it seems that whenever you start getting into a good writing routine something bad happens? The only thing that made me wonder that is because you mentioned you were writing when your husband went back to the ER. I could be reading more into that than there is, but I know for me, if I make progress in an area and something bad happens, I tend not to do it out of the superstition that something bad will happen again.
If you can get to the point of being able to write without worrying about the deadlines and the money, that would help. But I have been unable to do that, so I don’t even know how to do it. I have been able to sit down and write what I enjoy, but I have to constantly press through the fear that my income will drop by half again. It’s hard. I know what you mean about missing the ability to write with joy and not worrying about the other factors. I still enjoy the stories I’m doing, but in the back of my mind, I’m calculating every word count I make each day so I can hurry up and get the next book out. It’s stressful, and while it would be easy to say, “Ruth, lighten up. It’s okay if you don’t make X amount this month,” another part is adding up the bills and reminding me I don’t have a paid off house yet. If I could get my house paid off, I could relax because we could make it on my husband’s military pension. (He retired as a sergeant, not an officer, so that means a lot less in our pockets.) What kills me most is that the house in Nebraska was almost paid off. I moved to Montana, thinking that we could pay off this place within the year. (I have to constantly remind myself I can’t go back and stay in Nebraska because there’s no point in dwelling on the “if only I had” cycle.) Because of the repairs and drop in income, I’m currently two years away from paying this house off now (but only if the income doesn’t drop again so I can keep throwing money on the principle). That means I have two more years of pushing myself hard to get the books out. If it weren’t for God, I would have gone nuts by now. On some days, He’s the only thing that keeps me together.
I wish I knew the answer to how to be fearless. I’ll be praying for you, my friend.
I’ve been paying on my house for many years, and I think I have six more years to go. If we didn’t have the mortgage, I could probably quit work and try to write full time. I’m just so afraid things will change so much at my day job that I just won’t be able to work there anymore. If I can just hang on six more years!
In answer to your question about whether I think bad things happen just when writing is going well…yeah, that seems to be what happens. Since you and I are both religious, I don’t mind saying to you that I think Satan throws things our way sometimes. He doesn’t want us to be happy. My faith is about all that has gotten me through some of the tough times. That and wonderful friends. 🙂
Thanks for your constant encouragement. Some of the things you’ve said to me have kept me plodding on.
I would very much miss reading what Lauralynn Elliott was up to if you quit. I hope you find the love of writing again.
I can’t remember if I mentioned this years ago, but I have a printed copy of Haunted Lake. I loved the book cover so much, I had to have it for my shelves. 🙂
No, I don’t think I knew you had a paperback of Haunted Lake. Thank you! Not everyone likes that cover, but I’ve always loved it.
I actually had a plot bunny sneak up on me the other day, so there has to be at least one more Lauralynn book. 🙂 But I also need to keep Catherine going, too, so I have to finish up that trilogy.
The support of all of you is making me get a little more excited about writing again.
By the way, if I did decide to give up the LL name, I would definitely steer you all in Catherine’s direction so we could keep in touch.
Sorry to hear your hubby was in the ER again. Hope everything is well.
I hope you can figure out how to get words on the page again.
Hubby is doing much better and working normal hours. I hope it stays that way for awhile.
I think I’m about ready to get back to it. Thanks for your support!
Right now you’re preoccupied with your husband’s health. The writing will come back when things settle down. Mary was the same way when I had my stroke: she couldn’t knit and had lost interest in it, but she’s back at it now. I like Anya’s suggestion, to write as though no one else is going to read it, just to get words on the page, without any thought toward publishing it. You might be surprised at what comes out.
You’re right, all I could think of was my husband’s health. In the last few years, he’s had two mini strokes (a while back), a stent, hereditary heart problems, pharyngeal neuralgia, v-fib…. It goes on and on. But life has to go on, and so do I. I think I’ve tried to put too much pressure on myself during times I needed to chill about things. I’ve got to do what you and others have suggested and write for me and forget the pressure.
Do you journal? Maybe just a few lines a day, to dip your toes in?
As for the market, I’m thinking there tends to be a pendulum swing for things like this. The market is glutted, now – but those who are doing it just to write a book will eventually fall away, because get rich quick won’t happen with shoddy products.
I’m gradually building toward a library I’ll be releasing in the next few years. I’m kind of hoping that I catch the market at the time that some of the glut fades away…
And you will already have solid books out there.
Maybe the best thing you can do is to relax. Enjoy that your husband isn’t in the emergency room right now. Enjoy what you can about work. Maybe see if there’s a few simple things you can change to make life feel better….
I’m thinking of you, and sending happy creative energy your way.
I don’t journal, but I probably need to.
I’ve been thinking the same thing about the market. I keep hoping those who aren’t serious about this will realize it’s hard to make money this way. It would make things easier on those who ARE serious about it. It’s just taking so long for that to happen. If people are thinking we are making big money, they don’t have a clue.
The theme in everyone’s suggestions seemed to lean toward relaxing, so I guess I need to focus on that.
Thanks, Shan!
Sorry it took me so long to answer. We lost our dog a week ago, and things have been a bit off for me, social-media-wise, since then.
Trying to get back into the swing now.
Relaxing seems like a good idea. =)