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Archive for September, 2016

I’ve had a tooth that’s been bothering me for several months. Not really bad, but it had been hurting if I bit down too hard on food. I’d been meaning to take care of that thing, but I put it off because I’m terrified of dentists.

I’m supposed to go to Key West next week with a friend, and her company is paying for all of it (except some of my food). I’ve been really excited about this trip. Then, at the beginning of this week, I started getting a pretty bad toothache. Soon, the whole left side of my jaw was hurting. And the bad tooth hurts like crazy when I just press on it a little with my tongue. Of course this HAD to happen right before my vacation.

So then I start to get worried that it will get infected while I’m gone, and I’ll be even more miserable. My friend tried to get me to call her dentist (she raves about this guy), but I knew they couldn’t take a new patient that quickly. She finally talked me into calling today, and I thought maybe they could at least tell me what I could do for the pain besides ibuprofen. The lady on the phone said “Can you come at 10:00 this morning?” This was at about 9:30. I was stunned.

When I got there, all the staff was SO nice. And when the dentist walked in…well, I could just picture him on a book cover. Gorgeous! And I could tell he works out a lot. He was also so nice and comforting. I was really glad I went.

So the bad news is, I’m going to have to go back as soon as I get back from my vacation and get either a root canal and crown or the tooth pulled. The tooth has a pretty bad crack in it. He said he wouldn’t know if he could save the tooth until he got in there. There really wasn’t a lot he could do today, but he gave me a prescription for pain medication if the ibuprofen stops working as well and a prescription for antibiotics. He said I already had a bit of an infection and that I would probably start feeling less pain when the antibiotics kicked in. So at least now I know I won’t get really sick while I’m on vacation.

So…what kind of day have YOU had???

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Fearless Becomes Fearful

signature-penI don’t like to write posts that are too long, but I have a feeling this one might be. Some of this is, I think, partial repeats from past posts, so forgive me if you’ve heard some of this before.

The Past – When I first started writing and publishing, the ebook business was fairly new. You could actually make a LIVING doing this. (I know some authors who still are, but that seems to be the exception, not the rule.) Back in late 2010, I was making enough money that I could have quit my day job. And most of this was from ONE .99 novella. A book I was only making .35 per sale on at Amazon and .40 at B & N. So you can imagine how many books I sold to make that much money. I was on cloud nine. This novella (Guardian Vampire) almost made it to the top 100 on Amazon. Not in a category, but the top 100 overall. It has an average of 3 stars. It was some of my earliest work, and it’s certainly not my best. But it sold like hotcakes. This was right in the middle of the big vampire craze, and I loved vampires, so that helped a lot. And I was FEARLESS! What I mean is, I wrote because it was fun, I wrote because I wanted to write, and I had no doubt I could make decent money. I wrote and put it out there. I wasn’t afraid of anything. I could sit down at the computer, and the words just flowed. In 2011, another of my .99 books (Haunted Lake) took off. Those were good years.

The Present – By 2012, everyone who even had an inkling they wanted to be an author was publishing ebooks. The market was flooded with books. And although I was really happy that authors had this opportunity, it really hurt a lot of us. Suddenly, there was SO much competition, especially in the paranormal romance genre. I struggled for the next couple of years, but I tried to keep writing as much as I could. My later books are so much better than my older ones, but they just don’t sell well. Then I started getting page fright. I lost the enjoyment of writing, and it became a chore. Every time I thought about sitting down to write, my stomach would clench up, and I suddenly found something else I needed to do instead. I would put off writing as long as I could. Back in August, when hubby was in the hospital, then out of work, I used all that stress as the excuse. The last part of August, I started writing on my WIP again, and I was averaging about 1,000 a day. Then hubby ended up in the emergency room again, although he was in the hospital only one night and day. But it messed with my head again. Now I’m FEARFUL. I’m scared to death to write. It took all I had to even sit down and write this post. I hate this!

I desperately want to find that fearless woman I used to be. I want to pull her out of that deep well I’ve drowned her in. I just don’t know how. I’ve thought about suspending everything on this pen name after publishing this next book and concentrating on my other name since it’s doing a little better. But I’m not sure I would be happy not writing any paranormal stuff. I feel like I’m at a crossroads and don’t know what to do. I know there are so many authors who hate or are tired of their day jobs and long to write for a living. I’m definitely one of them.

I know this post is kind of a downer, but I had to get that out.

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